What are the top 10 signs that your online marketing has hit the wall? Here goes:
10. The only person to “friend” you on Facebook in the last 6 months is an inflatable kangaroo
9. You just spent $5,000 on printed marketing collaterals, only to discover your marketing agency’s proofreader is dyslexic and your URL has a typo
8. Severe writer’s block on your biz blog finds you drafting a post “Which are Cuter, Puppies or Dust Bunnies?”
7. So many people have “un-followed” you on Twitter that your “follow” number is now negative — and all Twitter Support can say is, “Gee, we’ve never seen that happen before.”
6. The last time someone commented on your blog was 2006 — and that was your Mom
5. You sold your soul (er, I mean a link) for a T-shirt, only to learn everyone else gets $100
4. You let your domain name lapse, and it’s now owned by an online gambling site from the Cayman Islands.
3. You have one review of your new YouTube video that cost $3,000 to film — and it gets one star
2. You are talking with a prospective advertiser for your site who wants to know if the visitor traffic figure was per day or per week, and you say, “uh, no, that was the total for last year.”
1. The only thing you rank for in Google is #138 for “miserable failure.”
* * * * *
The inspiration for the above came during the Small Business Marketing Unleashed Conference recently. Wayne Small, who came all the way to Ohio from Australia, brought a terriffic icebreaker: an inflatable kangaroo, named Ken Garoux (pronounced ga-roo). At the opening night’s networking event, people started pasting their business cards on inflatable Ken. Before you knew it, Ken had a Facebook page and was “friending” everyone.
Let me know what you think. If you have any funnier snippets, please leave them in a comment below. Or point us to your own Top Ten.